Well, I graduated on Sunday, in a few months I’ll be heading to Columbia for grad school to study journalism. I have to figure out how to pay for it, I need some money, I need to shake the constant latent fears and uncertainties.
Problems will arise and the “now whats?” are there, but for now I want to cherish the moment. Four years flew by, but the hard work has paid off.
this period of transition is so crazy. i just attended my last class as an undergraduate about an hour or so ago. i have three finals and then i’ll be completely done with my undergraduate career.
typing the above always seemed inevitable as a freshman, as a senior in high school, even as a middle school kid. reaching the moment is a totally different sensation.
i have a little over two weeks until i’m a college graduate and i must spend that time enjoying the city of Atlanta, the people that make up my collegiate family, and really doing some soul searching and having the engaging conversations that will encapsulate my experience and challenge me to grow as a man.
man, life is crazy. so many good things on the horizon, but my mind remains anxious for the inevitable tough times. that’s why i remain humble and try to prep myself to be flexible for when things reach their worst.
gathered with my senior class for what my school calls “crown forum” a large weekly convocation of sorts. it’s my last one as an undergraduate and pays tribute to our class. the way they described us what mainly hyperbole, but a lot of it really made me realize that the people i met years ago have accomplished a lot at my school. it also me realized just how close i am to the end of this journey and how many things i left unsaid, people who have left my school/class and the friendships i’ve been able to build.
later i interviewed candidates to replace the management positions of my school newspaper. i’ve essentially chosen the person who will take over as managing editor, but it feels like it wasn’t long ago that i was in a similar position.
finally, i attended an induction ceremony for my school’s chapter of sigma tau delta english honor society and realized, “damn, i’m in the position that all the guys that came before me were in.” it’s not like i haven’t been aware before, but today really cemented a lot of those feelings. i think it hit me most when i realized that i met some of my closest friends at school because we all were in a study group in my survey of british lit II class.
synopsis: time makes a fool out of all of us. let people know that you care, and really build and contribute to/appreciate the friendships you have and make.
being a senior in college is a curious thing. beyond the having fun and the uncertainty of what lies ahead, i think what’s interesting is the amount of retrospection i’ve done. i’ve looked back at so many friendships and relationships that have grown, died, changed or been supplemented in other ways. i think of great people i’ve met this year that i wish i had known my entire collegiate career. mainly i do the same thing people do at the conclusion of every school year: take inventory on what they did, assess if they completed their goals and prepare for the future. the caveat that makes this year different is all of those things are magnified and compounded on a larger scale.
the thought of it is nearly (and occasionally) overwhelming. maybe it’s just my introspective nature but i find that this past month has found me in some of my most pensive moments. carefully trying to calculate and manipulate the time i have left in this space, and realizing that i can’t recapture or mimic moments that exist on another sphere but were never made reality.
yes, we all mistakes. but that doesn’t make you necessarily feel better a day, week, month, or even years later. all of these people i’ve met are a part of my livelihood in one way or another, and soon we’ll all be dispersed around the world. the collegiate experience is a beautiful but daunting one if you choose it. i have no idea when i’ll see some people again, what life has in store for us. if i’ve met the woman i might marry and i just don’t know it yet. if i’ve met a person who is my friend now and may not remain that way, if i’ve seen a person that will eventually become a co-worker and a part of my wedding party or a close friend.
i guess that’s how life works in general. we slave to the unknown, and try our best imitation of the ideal life. ultimately settling for whatever we can manage and tolerate. brief flashes of happiness coupled with multiple fears and disappointments. growing older is okay, growing wiser is shitty.
when my friend first told me about a$ap rocky last summer i misheard him and thought he was asking me about aesop rock.
why do people say “i can send you this right now,” and then proceed to do the opposite?
dave grohl, jack white, and josh homme and keeping rock and roll alive. at least in the mainstream. there’s a lot of other bands and genres doing great things as well.
christopher owens from the band girls kinda almost sounds like elvis costello.
after listening to them for a good chunk of the day, i wonder what red hot chili peppers would sound like if hillel slovak was alive. would they have become as huge, or retained a funk/rap/rock sound?
why IS jadakiss as hard as it gets?
i wonder if houston will ever allow a regular person to have the number 281 330 8004
why am i not doing work, knowing good and well i’m going to end up stressing about it in april?
i still need to listen to krit’s tape, and action bronson’s, and the rest of heems’s tape. i got caught up watching arrested development on netflix pretty much all weekend.
i got accepted to the city university of new york’s journalism program today, i’m waiting to hear from columbia. money is a factor, if cuny is paying for everything i’ll strongly consider it.
honestly it’s hard to wonder what’s worth your effort anymore.
i don’t understand people. or why they don’t do what they say. why they don’t reciprocate. why they lose interest in people. why they put effort into things other than what they promise.
it’s highly frustrating to come to grips with the flaws of others, especially when you constantly recognize so many of your own.
life is strange. i make mistakes, and they seem to cost me more than the typical person. i try to reach out to people, they reply by only replicating those efforts when they need things.
this rant is pointless and is me complaining about things that don’t amount to much. it’s just so frustrating to give a damn when so many people don’t give a fuck.
yes, i just interpolated a youngbloodz lyric.
but it seems like people decrying an action are always more prevalent than the people they’re talking about.
i.e.’s: “all y’all talking about new year new me. y’all niggas gon’ be doin’ the same shit.” or “y’all can have fun waiting on those 11’s.”
the above examples are things that have happened multiple times in my life. it’s honestly becoming more annoying seeing people point these things out.
let people live their lives. if they want to be delusional or spend their money on shoes i can’t stop them. i can try to encourage people to be smarter with their perspectives or how they spend their money, but ultimately the system has been in place for such a long time with the jordan’s thing.
i mean even in 2011 babies rock the new ones before they know what a basketball is. it’s embedded. whatever, let people do it.
the main thing we need to worry about is the fact that people are still really buying nickelback cd’s.
